I can’t believe it’s 2017… THAT’S CRAZY! Anyway, I’m totally slacking on my posts, but I have tons of posts to write and luckily, I’ll have more time to write them!
So, 2016 kind of sucked for me. I began the year by getting terrible medical news, being more broke than I’ve ever been, losing the one person I thought I’d never lose, and having my world turned upside down.. The break up left me feeling more alone and empty than i have ever felt in my life. I’m sure anyone who has had their heart broken knows the feeling of your heart actually hurting, when you can actually feel it “breaking”.. and maybe you can relate to feeling like a part of you is gone, feeling so empty it hurts… Yeah, that’s the worst feeling.
But like all things, there is a positive side in this situation. Although I had to lose someone I thought was the love of my life, someone that brought out the best in me, and someone that I would have done anything and everything in the world for, I learned a lot. Looking back on my posts when we were fighting or when I just felt so crappy I had to let it all out, I realized I should have never let myself feel like that with someone. Was it his fault? Was it mine? Probably a little of both. Four years is a long time to spend with someone and when it starts in high school, you both have a lot of growing to do. For me, I would have been fine to grow together, learn together and even fight together to make it through the tough times. (I feel like your 20’s are the ‘puberty’ of growing up, you don’t really know what’s going on, everything’s changing.. seems like an accurate comparison.) Anyway, he didn’t want to work it out anymore. We fought a lot, I don’t blame him for giving up. I wanted to give up more times than I should have in a relationship, but I just didn’t want things to change. I hate change. He was my best friend, my boyfriend, my everything and he just left. I was angry, I was upset, I was sad and everything in between. As much as it hurts and sucks, he was a great guy. He’ll make someone a great husband someday (even if he isn’t a handyman) and he’ll make an even better dad. I wish the best for him, especially for him to be happy, even if it isn’t with me because he truly does deserve it.
Now that I’ve had some time to get over it (not completely, I doubt that’ll ever really happen), I’ve realized a lot. I’ve grown as a person and became stronger than I ever thought I was. I still have so much to learn about myself and who I am before I could ever let someone into my life like that again, but hopefully next time it’ll have a different outcome. I have so much to learn and work on with myself and this break up finally gave me the wake up call I needed. As cliché as it sounds, I have to love myself before anyone else can love me, and that’s where I need to start.
For 2017, besides the usual ‘get my ass in shape’ resolution, I’m working on myself… physically, emotionally, mentally. I know the ‘new year, new me’ line is so BS but I hope that’s the outcome for me. I need to figure out so much about myself and I think this is more important than any other resolution I could make. Everyone talks about treating your body like a temple because you only have one but they usually only think physically, and that’s important too, but people forget about mental and emotional ‘temples’ too.